Liyang's Cooking Pr0n

one day liyang was walking in the woods and he met ana, ana was a magical fairy and liyang was very jeleous as he too wished to be a fairy

so he asked anna "how did you become a fairy?"

and she said "well one day I was walking in the woods when I was attacked by a magical toad stool which made me invisiable"

"oh "said liyang that does really answer the question thought does it"

"no " said ana "but if you weren't so implusive I would of finished my story "

"but couldn't you have got to how you got to be a fairy a bit quicker" said liyany

at this point ana got pissed off and walked off

this is how liyang never got to be a fairy

So as liyang watched the retreating ana he sighed "oh how I wished I could join the magical kingdom and stop being a computer programmer /mathmatician" suddenly a huge explusion

liyang looked over his shoulder to see the easter bunny pop into exsistance on a local dandlion

the bunny hopped over to liyang and motioned to him to come closer, as he bent over the bunny grabbed his nose and suddenly liang was dragged into the mystical world of the fragile monkey

and he got to his feet and looked around him he noticed that the bunny had hopped away

Liyang mused to himself " well I am not a fairy and I've been dragged to this unknown relm with no idea to what to do or how to get home"

"but who gives a shit I'm in a nice new world,ready to explore so fuck earth and lets go kill all humans " the end

For mature audiences only

By:	Liyang HU
Time:	1 hour
Serves:	12

Ingredients:

• 300g plain flour
• 5g bicarbonate of soda
• 10g baking powder
• 2.5g salt
• 75g granulated sugar
• 25g cocoa powder
• 10g ground ginger
• 5g ground nutmeg
• 10g ground cinnamon
• 75g brown muscovado sugar
• 200ml espresso (about 4 or 5 double shots)
• 50ml milk (to top up the espresso)
• 10ml vanilla extract
• 75g butter, melted
• 2 eggs

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C
2. In a large mixing bowl, sift together all the dry ingredients, except for the muscavado
3. In a measuring jug, melt the muscavado sugar by pouring hot espresso shots over it, topping up with milk to make 250ml of liquid
4. Melt the butter in a microwave, pour into the measuring jug, followed by the vanilla and eggs, and whisk thoroughly
5. Combine the dry and wet mixtures in the mixing bowl with a large spoon — it's supposed to be lumpy
6. Divvy up the batter into the muffin tray — you'll want to use muffin cases for less mess
7. Bake in oven for 24 minutes or so; in the meantime, prepare the Coffee and Spice Frosting
8. Check the muffins are done by skewering it with a long sharp knife — it should come out clean
9. Wait for the muffins to cool down a little, and spread/swirl the frosting on top with a teaspoon

For mature audiences only

By:	Liyang HU
Time:	15 minutes
Serves:	12

Ingredients:

• 30ml espresso (single shot, or double ristretto)
• 150g icing sugar
• 2.5ml vanilla extract
• 2.5g ground ginger
• 2.5g ground cinnammon
• 2.5g ground nutmeg
• 30g cream cheese

Directions:

1. Make a shot of espresso directly into a small bowl
2. Sift and mix in the icing sugar — avoiding any lumps — to achieve a smooth paste
3. Mix in the vanilla extract and spices
4. Thoroughly stir in enough cream cheese to make the frosting pliable, but not runny

Additional Notes:

• Makes enough for 12 muffins, not sure about cakes
• Would be interesting to replace some of the espresso with Kahlua

Sweet, herby, mustardy; full of the natural flavours of good-quality chicken, without having anything to do with Colonel Sanders

By:	Nigel Slater, but utterly destroyed by Liyang HU
Time:	60 minutes
Serves:	2 people

Ingredients:

• 4 free range corn fed chicken thighs
• 2 heaped tbsp of dried tarragon
• 1 heaped tbsp of dried, or a handful of fresh parsley
• 2 heaped tbsp of French wholegrain mustard
• 2 tbsp of red wine or sherry vinegar
• 4 tbsp of oilve oil
• a generous chunk of butter

Directions:

1. Debone the thighs by poking an excessively sharp knife either side of the bone, and detaching it from the meat: this should result in an almost uniformly flat piece of chicken with skin on one side — if not, cut half-way into the thicker parts of the meat to ensure the flavours can seep in
2. Into a large ceramic mixing bowl, throw the various herbs
3. Add a large couple of dollops of whole grain mustard; mix well
4. Pour in the wine vinegar and olive oil; mix again
5. Place the thigh pieces into the bowl, making sure the meat is covered thoroughly in the above concoction
6. Set aside for at least half an hour, while you prepare the rest of the meal; if you can manage it, letting it marinade overnight would be fabulous
7. In a large flat non-stick frying pan, melt a healthy chunk of real butter on the highest heat until it begins to sizzle
8. But be quick: place each piece of chicken skin-side up in the pan, before the butter starts burning; watch out for smoke and splattering
9. Fry for approximately four minutes, inspecting the underside every so often, until the meat looks like it's just about to burn
10. Turn over each piece of thigh, and continue frying the skin side on a medium to low heat for a little longer than the last step, which should draw out all the fat from under — and also crispen — the skin; six minutes ought to do it
11. Serve hot with some lightly-flavoured carbohydrates, seasoned with freshly crushed peppercorns if desired

Additional Notes:

• My mate Slater says a little crushed salt goes nicely with this dish, along with perhaps a little sprinkling of lemon juice. A bit poncy, if you ask me.

I own a 12" PowerBook with a GeForce FX Go5200 graphics card. For whatever reason that I've yet to discover, Apple has declared the GeForce FX Go5200 ‘bad’ as far as Aperture 2.0 is concerned, and attempting to install it (the trial version, at least) results in the message: “Your video card does not meet the minimum requirements to run this software.” By the time I figured this out, a copy of Aperture 2 is already en route to my house…

Of course, there's always a workaround. The following instructions apply to the downloadable trial; I'll update it when my copy arrives retail version, and should let you install Aperture whatever the system hardware. I doubt Apple will provide support in this case though. I'll leave it to you to figure out how to do the same for the downloadable trial…

1. Insert the DVD.
2. Open Terminal.app, and type at the prompt:

   mkdir -p /tmp/aperture
   cp -r /Volumes/Aperture/{Aperture.mpkg,Packages} /tmp/aperture/
   open /tmp/aperture

   You should see Finder pop up with the contents of /tmp/aperture
3. Ctrl-click on ApertureTrial.mpkg, select ‘Show Package Contents’.
4. Navigate into the Contents folder, and open Aperture.dist using TextEdit.app.
5. Search for ‘installation-check’; this should take you to the line:

   <installation-check script='installationCheck()'/>

6. Insert a pair of <!-- and --> in the appropriate place:

   <!-- <installation-check script='installationCheck()'/> -->

7. Save the file.
8. Go back to /tmp/aperture and double-click on Aperture.mpkg.
9. …
10. Profit.

You can now remove the install files by typing the following into Terminal.app: rm -rf /tmp/aperture

I wrote this entry after the fact, in the hope that others might find it useful. (Which is to say, I haven't actually tested my own instructions. I didn't even use the same programs: I'm much more comfortable with bash and vim…) Let me know how you get on.

*eagerly awaits his copy to pop through the letterbox*

A great philosopher once wrote: “Naughty naughty. Very naughty. Ha ha ha ha ha…”

The great philosopher Jagger once said: “You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need…”

Another great philosopher quintet once sang: “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, 'cos friendship never ends…”

Something to ponder on… It must be obvious. :3

1. Woke up. 09:30-ish. (I know because Chris Moyles was still on.)
2. Moved a bookshelf shelf one shelf lower.
3. Reheated last night's dinner (Chilli Hancock-style) as brunch.
4. Made cappuccino. (I need to order more beans.)
5. Walked to the other end of Beeston: passed previous residents' mail to the estate agents.
6. At the post office: set up mail forwarding. Got a D1 form for lost photocard / change of address.
6.5. Informed Broxtowe Council I am no longer resident at the old place but am in fact resident at the new place. Was delighted to find out that I didn't need another letter from the University telling them I'm a student: they can just ‘transfer’ the old one over.
7. Rode my bike from the old place back to the new place; lock in garden shed.
8. Drove back to the old place, and picked up a table / coffee table the estate agent wanted rid of.
9. Dumped table at dump. Drove back to old place again.
10. Picked up rickety two-seater chair for the dump.
11. Drove past the letting agents, handed all keys back but one. Jonathan's cool. I'm holding on to one key while the mail forwarding sorts itself out.
12. Dump chair; go home.
13. Decided that the John Lewis curtains I bought on Saturday which were the wrong size for downstairs (but right for upstairs; blame mum) suited upstairs after all. Keeping that and not bothering with exchange/refund.
14. Drove into town, sorted out proof-of-id for the Co-op ISA and Saver accounts I've been trying to open.
15. Went to Muji, catalogue in hand (with bits I wanted circled.) Bought shit. Tried save a paper bag but failed. (Cast iron frying pan.) Left.
16. Found John Lewis was already closed.
17. Backtracked towards Waterstone's. Checked the Computing section for Computer Organization (with a z) and Design because I've been telling my students that Waterstone's had it. They didn't. They can't pre-order some in in anticipation either. The students will have to go in and order it. Or they just buy it online. They lose a sale. Oh well, I tried.
18. Browsed the photography section for a book titled The 35mm Handbook by a Michael Freeman, published 1980. It was out of print. But he seems to have a new one called The Digital Handbook. Not quite as informative.
19. Faff about in Waterstone's until 18:30 to avoid the traffic. Come back to the office so I can get intarwebs.
20. Order coffee from HasBean.

Approaching the queue for the gates today at Frankfurt airport, a security officer dutifully informed me: ‘I'm sorry but you can't take that through security.’ I was a little puzzled as in recent years I've always been careful not to leave any liquids in my hand-luggage. (The fact that security personnel don't have x-ray vision dawned on me a moment later.) …

Ah. The Ice Cream (henceforth known as the “Offending Object”) in my hand. Specifically, a three-scoop mint and pistachio, raspberry swirl and lemon sorbet combo, served in a deliciously crunchy egg-flour-and-sugar cone. Complete disbelief. Since the ideologically correct response of disagreeing with airport authorities essentially means not taking the flight, I decided co-operation was the pragmatic approach. Sadly my offer of placing the Offending Object in a clear plastic bag was met with contempt rather than a sense of humour. Insert culturally-stereotypical-but-politically-correct-yet-still-funny quip.

Right. So it might have taken a few moments of thought to realise that the Offending Object would have been an ex-Offending Object by the time it had reached the security checkpoint, regardless of whether I'd chosen to consume it. But given the proximity of the Offending Object's vendor to the queue, surely I can't be the first person to be turned away? I can just about tolerate the flawed reasoning behind bottled water, mainly because I do need to take flights every now and then. Madness. Still, I wouldn't in any way put the fault on the officer in question: they are only being paid to enforce certain rules and regulations (no matter how silly the particular situation.) Is asking security to exercise their own discretion beyond their judgmental capabilities? I'd hope not, but then I wouldn't know their employment criteria. Let's not get into why 5ml of butane per passenger is perfectly okay.

Taken to its logical conclusion, perhaps passengers ought to be required to empty their bladders before boarding. After all, urea is an essential precursor to the explosive-of-choice for most amateur terrorists.

Please. I urge anyone with the means and inclination to attempt to manufacture urea-based explosives behind an airport's security checkpoint, get caught on purpose, and have the above proposal written into law. Because I'd really love to read in the papers: ‘Airport Authorities Taking the Piss’.

PS: The choice of music is unintentional but apt. New CD arrived in the post, y'see.

It's an overwhelming feeling of disappointment when you greet one of the more able student in your class while walking around campus after lunch, and he casually drops the line: “By the way, I didn't understand anything you said in yesterday's lecture.”

Despite numerous attempts to coax some – nay – any sort of feedback from students during the lectures, they still find it daunting to raise their hand in class, never mind uttering something face-losing like “I'm not sure I understand, could you please explain that part again?”

When challenged they always come back with the standard “Well, Chinese students are usually rather shy…” Testicles. I'm aware that it's considered ‘embarassing’ to ‘lose-face’ in front of others, but until you're willing to admit there's something you don't understand, you're not going to learn anything new, especially seeing as you're going to be stuck in the UK for the next two years. Dammit. Get over it. Suck it up and learn.

I suggested that we – and any of his other friends who didn't understand anything I said during yesterday's lecture – can go over the slides again in tomorrow's labs (not my labs; only if they've already finished their assigned coursework and Paul doesn't mind.) Let's see if anyone else owns up…

Which somehow brings me to the final note for today. Best ever excuse for not doing your coursework in labs: “I can't log on because my password has capital letters in it, and the Caps Lock key is broken on this computer.”

“I'm sorry, are you from the past?!”

Bought a skateboard a few weeks ago. Not exactly Tony Hawk yet, but I can at least go a few hundred meters, turn and stuff, without falling off.

Was stopped twice this week with my board at the school gates and got asked for ID. Am I too old for this? :-/

Tarmac isn't great for skateboarding. Flat concrete is better. But marbled/tiled floors are teh best. Sadly this makes the school administrative building the ideal training location… much hilarity will eventually ensue, I'm sure.